Emptying the Bucket of Angers That We Carry

Have you ever felt your anger boil over to the point that it spilled out in ways you wished it hadn't? Has your blood pressure ever risen when someone offended you and you could not respond? Have you ever clenched your teeth, biting back your words till your jaws ached or you got a headache?

This can easily happen when the bucket of anger we carry around with us gets full to overflowing. Some of us also have leaky anger buckets that allow resentments to drip out.

Prevention is often a better approach to anger than bandaging the wounds we suffer as people respond to our anger. Prevention is also better than having to offer salve to others who are bruised when our angers bend their noses the wrong way or sear their flesh.

The habits of burying angers begin in childhood, when we are unhappy with situations that we cannot change and are unable to avoid them. In childhood, it may be very helpful, therefore, to stuff these unpleasant feelings into our inner bucket. This lessens our suffering, and helps us keep from expressing some of our angers - which in many cases would just generate more unpleasantness for us.

These habits continue into our adult lives, even when we have much better resources to cope with situations. Burying our angers and other feelings may still be entirely appropriate in some situations, but often leads to accumulations of resentments that may eventually spill over with excess intensity when our bucket reaches the point of overflowing.

WHEE: Whole Health - Easily and Effectively is a super-fast and easy way to deal with angers. It works best when used preventively. By systematically emptying our bucket of issues that have left major contributions to the annoyance load we are carrying, we end up with a bucket that has space for something new that comes along and is stuffed into the bucket, with less likelihood that old angers will come spilling out in response to the new aggravations.

WHEE is a very simple technique, in which you tap on the right and left side of your body while reciting an affirmation. Despite its simplicity and ease of use, it can be profoundly effective, within minutes.

Molly had suffered verbal and physical abuse as a child, as both of her parents had quick tempers and her father was a heavy drinker. She had also been encouraged to hit anyone who "messed with her" at school. She was finding it difficult to deal with co-workers on her job, due to her quick temper. WHEE not only helped her release the residues of angers from childhood mistreatments, but also helped her let go of her irritation and rising angers when they were triggered at work.

A good thing about WHEE is that people can use it any time they need to de-fuse their angers. It can be used without anyone knowing they are practicing a de-stressing method.

Doug was a quick-tempered 8 year-old who was always arguing and fighting with his classmates. When seen initially for counseling, he was highly oppositional and denied he had problems with his temper. He was able to say, however, that Joey, another child in his class, made him particularly angry. I asked whether he felt any of that anger as he was describing Joey to me, and he responded with an emphatic "You better believe it. If he was here, I'd teach him a good lesson!"

I looked around the room in an exaggerated way, saying, "I don't see Joey anywhere in the room, Doug, but I think he's really got you going! He's really got you mad at him. He's got you so mad, that he's got you carrying a big bucketful of that anger inside you, right now, even though he isn't anywhere near here." I paused to let that sink in, and commented, "And I bet you don't know how to get rid of that Joey-anger you're carrying around with you." Doug was able to respond more positively from there, accepting my invitation to show him how not to let Joey get him upset and keep him angry, even when Doug was nowhere near Joey.

Children learn WHEE quickly because it is so simple, and often release their angers more rapidly than adults because children haven't stuffed their anger buckets as full as adults have.

What Makes You Cry?

The sights and sounds of sobbing and wailing bring upon the onlooking human spirit cause for lament and chagrin. There are not many who don't genuinely mourn with those who mourn, particularly after the widespread tragedy of catastrophe like earthquake. Ordinarily we cry because of our suffering or the suffering of our loved ones.

What makes us cry says a lot about us -- equally, what makes us laugh also says a lot about us. In the preview to the book of Lamentations, the NIV Study Bible mentions we cry for one of two reasons; it's either for self-centred reasons or God-centred reasons.

When we mourn due to our own losses and suffering it is understandable. We're created with the capacity to mourn with tears of lament or complaint for a reason... to cry out to God so he could heal our sorrowful hearts. There's a purpose. It doesn't end with us, but with God. I know of times in my life when my own personal tragedies have almost sweep me away in a torrent of anguish; all but for God and the love of my family and close friends (within which [the family] his power and truth always lies). God places in our hearts the capacity to 'feel' him, and of course, if we're fortunate, we have family and friends to ameliorate the pain.

All of this support brings meaning to our suffering; meaning that we can see the reasons why, finally, somewhere 'down the track.' This process can take years!

I'm not sure if this type of mourning described above is self-centred. It's a response to tragedy. But the reason why we cry in these instances is both significant and interesting. One could cry about the devastation in a self-centred way or a God-centred way. God-centred lamentations have a sprinkling of faith to offer to God -- the tears -- they're a genuine sacrifice of faith offered to him with hope (that one can't yet see but just knows somehow). Self-centred lamentation is different. It's formed more as a complaint and it usually exacerbates the situation within the wounded person's heart. Pride stands in the way, blocking the healing power of God's Spirit in washing clean the spirit of the person suffering.

I don't know about you, but have you ever cried yourself to sleep (... cried out to God) and then awoken in the morning and experienced a fresh hope? I have, several times. God hears our cries and somehow heals our contrite hearts in the process. It's a miracle. To experience this is truly miraculous -- because it is inexplicable without conjuring a spiritual causation.

One thing I have learned in life; don't cry so much for justice for self. Cry for self, but cry to God. We don't even need to complain or explain. The Spirit knows and he gives us the answer that we so desperately need.

Surely we're blessed most of all to cry for others who suffer substantially more than we do... take a look around you -- take a good look...